The love of a Sister

Please forgive me for taking so long to update this journal for Grace and Hope and all our dear family and friends. Last week being Holy week, celebrating Easter with the Dominican Sisters and my family in Nashville, and then spending these past few days in the hands of our doctors and prayer have really kept me away from sharing with you the past few steps of our journey.

Holy Week was amazing. I must admit that it wasn't as prayerful and contemplative as I would have had it, but work and the humdrum of everyday still calls, even in the holiest of days. But it was a beautiful time for me to reflect on this walk that Chris and I are taking with Jesus. Our own little calvary where we can carry this cross with Him. This suffering, this cross is beautiful. Yes, beautiful! It is beautiful because Jesus has give the answer to our salvation. In suffering and dying on the cross Jesus gave us our Salvation. And in turn we follow this example where we must pick up our cross daily and lay our life down for Him so we may enter heaven.

Easter Sunday! I must say this was the best Easter I have ever had. Chris and I travelled to Nashville where we met my parents and younger siblings, the trailov family (my sister Jacque's family), and my very amazing sister, Sr. Maria Fidelis o.p. There we celebrated Easter Sunday mass with our family, and our extended family of 250 Dominican Sisters. It was amazing to attend Easter Sunday Mass in what felt like a little piece of heaven on earth. All the sisters sang beautifully and commemorated this day in our faith with such gratitude and joy. Authentic Joy.

We spent the day at the convent walking the beautiful grounds, partaking in the luxury of chocolates and cookies and sweet bunny marshmallows that we all indulge in every Easter. And then worked a good sweat on the tennis courts, while some of the sisters played in a friendly game of Football Frisbee! Even if I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't attempt to get in a game with them, they are all-stars!

But in a few moments of down time between the Easter Egg hunts, the football and tennis games, I was able to spend time with some of the sisters. Sr. Maria Fidelis introduced me to come of the Sisters who have been praying for my sweet Grace and Hope. I was able to share with them the good news of them growing and kicking wildly. To thank each of them for their prayers and for their vocation to prayer. I was so honored that through my sister's vocation to the religious life I would gain 2oo + other sisters who are devoted to prayer for all of us who need it in this God-less world. It was a bear hug from God himself to have all the Dominican Sisters cheer Chris and I in support for doing God's will and providing a way into life for our daughters.

I have a few pictures of this weekend to share of our trip to Easter with the Sisters!

Chris and I & Chris and our neice, Lucy

Jacque and I




Mom, Sister Maria Fidelis, Lucy and myself

The SISTERS!

Doctor's Visit News:

Monday morning we headed off to Children's Hospital with the intention to find out as much as we could about Hope and Grace's condition and to get somewhat of a plan together. So where do I really start?

The Fetal ECG and MRI went as expected. The girls were whirling and twirling, kicking and playing just enough to make all of our appointments go at least an hour over schedule each appointment. Those are my girls! Thankfully our doctors had patience, because little Hope and Grace did not want to sit still. It could have been the syrup I had on my waffles that "kicked" it off. :)

The day consisted primarily of nerves and prayer during each new microscope we were under. Chris, faithful to his fatherly and spousal duties stayed calm yet eager to be at mine and the girls side through it all. Our great protector! Our parents were in attendance at the team meeting with about 15 doctors and basically this is what we discovered:

Hope and Grace are strong. They are both independantly thinking, they have a great spirit inside their Mamma's womb and full of life! Their heart, is a four chambered heart. This means, it is in perfect construction to be in one baby's body, but would very much struggle to beat for both. The cardiologist informed us that there is a pretty significant hole in the heart that would have to be fixed with in the first six months of life, it wasn't a huge threat to their survival seeing as the hole could be repaired. They are sharing their liver and what appears to possibly be a set of lungs. Still not sure on that yet. The heart and functional lungs are seemingly to be mostly in Hope's body, leaving Grace to rely mostly on her sister for life in and outside the womb. What is still to be determined is Grace's actual functionability outside of the womb and cut from the umbilical cord.

From this point on I can only speak from what myself, Chris and our parents are understanding from this meeting, but we still have another round of tests and confirmed beliefs with the doctors next month. From what we understand, Hope has a very real chance of life. We understood that because she is holding the heart in her chest and it is that of a normal heart of a single baby that she would be given the best chance of separation and life. For my sweet Grace, life is totally dependant on the heart her sister is sharing with her and the umbilical cord nourishing her with life. It seems right now to be uncertain of her chances at life when she is born. As far as we can see she does not have the appropriate vessels leading from the heart to her body or to her lungs, if she has a set - we are not sure.

This is a long road still ahead of us, that we must fight the looming fear of stillbirth or early labor. But we still maintain certain trust in God that He will prepare us for whatever we will face. There are so many probabilities we are still facing, and all the FACTS are still unclear as to what will happen. But today it is clear that my girls are showing us all the example of selfless love. The love they share between them is beyond that of emotional attachement, but that of complete physical reliance and spiritual purpose. They have offered their bodies to serve each other and to give example of true love. As Jesus told us, "there is no greater love, than to lay one's life down for the other." They are doing this everyday, sharing their bodies with one another so provide life for their sister.

Soon, the girls and I will be on bed rest to give them enough time they need to grow and develop to be given a chance at life on earth. I know that while I am nervous about what exactly that is going to mean for the next three months, it will give me a greater chance to spend time with my girls. I feel as though I know them so well already. But I look forward to deeper prayer to God for them, to singing and talking and feeling their movements with them. I look forward to each day that I get to show them I love them. It will be our very special time to be with each other and be a family.

I wish I had more answers. But God does not reveal his plans in all of one sitting. We take it one day at a time and moment by moment. Please continue to pray...