This past Friday was my last day of being in the office at work. And as I said "goodbye" to all of my peers I thought, "What will come next?"
A silly question to ask, but one that made this pregnancy very real. I realized that in just a few short months God will be revealing his plan for Chris and I. I am not scared or frightened, but I am simply in the unknown of what will happen.
Now that I have these 3 months of complete reflection and preparation for my children, I don't even know what to do! I think of preparing them a room. But will I have two babies or one baby or any babies to bring home? I think about buying clothes. What clothes could I get for them? I think of bottles, pampers, car seats and cribs everyday and wonder if I jump the gun will I get my hopes up a little to high?
And then I reflect on Our Blessed Mother Mary, who showed us the true example of how to bring a child into this world. She has given me my answers. She carried Jesus in her womb day in and day out, frightened for His life from the very beginning. She was obedient to God the Father in giving her whole self to protecting this life. She was wife to Joseph, and obedient to his protection. She did not have an abundancy of clothes, toys or a crib. Instead, when the time came, she wrapped Jesus in a swaddling clothe, and used a manger for a crib. What a humble birth that the Holy Family has taught all of us.
God did not tell Mary the day of Jesus' birth or what to have prepared. He simply asked her for her "yes" to do it. I try so very hard to daily give my "yes" to God and to my husband. I give my "yes" to my girls, that no matter the outcome we will be a family, because God has asked us to. And I am neither holy or as truly perfect as Our Blessed Mother was, I wouldn't even try to compare. But I can follow her example that she gave. I can try to love God with all my heart and be completely unconditional with my love for Him in accepting the unknown fate of my children, just as Mary did.
Material things are not what make a family anyway! It is the love between them and how they show it. I chose to love my girls with kisses, hugs and I am sure lots of tears when they are born. Chris will chose to love them as he has this whole time of being pregnant, with pride and joy and with his fatherly protection. We will follow the example of Mary and Joseph and the infant Jesus to be simple, to be faithful and to be trusting in God's Will for us in our lives. We will prepare our hearts and our souls first before we prepare a room.
This family God has blessed me with, is strong. We are united by these two girls who fight for their life every day. And to think it's an amazing feat to see how far the girls have come! As they wiggle and kick each day inside of me I know it is God's love poking me. With every heart beat that beats each day, it is the prayers of all our friends and family that are making that happen. If the odds had their way, the girls would not be here with us today. But they are and they are strong!
And so, I have 12 more weeks to go. And we pray like true warriors for these two souls sharing a heart. I give Grace my "yes". I give Hope my "yes". I give my husband, Chris my "yes". And most importantly I give God the Father my "yes". In this I completely accept my vocation as a wife and mother as God has asked.
Lulu- I love that picture! It is one of the most beautiful ones I've seen of our Blessed Mother. Funny how this picture of Mary resembles you! :)
ReplyDeleteWhen I say my rosary I constantly beg her to hold you and Chris close. I know she hears my prayers when I hear your voice on the phone, always a voice that speaks love. There is no other woman who knows your fears, aches, and joyful heart more than our heavenly mother.
Hail Mary, Full of Grace and Hope!!
Happy First Mother's Day, my sweet sweet sister!! Jac
Dearest Daughter, a mother's love wants to bear all pain for their children, a mother's love wants to give all joy to their children, a mother's love endures all things for her children. My love is with you and Chris - every moment, each step you take. God is love. - mom
ReplyDeleteLu,
ReplyDeleteThere are times when I just can't find the words that I want to say. Each time I read your blog I can't help but to feel God working through you and your words. As we both bond with our girls growing in our bellies, my connection with Hope and Grace grows as well. I tell baby Bagby about her cousins everyday and not to forget how the three of them were in heaven together before they came to us. I feel blessed to be going through this experience with you.
Forever in my prayers, forever in my heart, forever as my sister, forever in love,
Jess
I am new to reading this amazing blog. I found it on a blog from a high school friend of mine, jessica parker barnes. I have 2 kids, sophia and miles. Miles was born with a rare heart defect and require open heart reconstruction at only 15 days old. we did not know about his heart defect prior to his birth. in fact, he was not diagnosed until 5 days old. Our life was turned upside down. We live in columbus, oh and were treated at Nationwide Childrens Hospital. It is an amazing place for heart kids and parents. You have already come so far in understanding that you are not in control. This is something that i had difficulty with and it was a lesson that i was needing to learn. Once i placed my trust in God, i found a sense of peace that I had not had during this trying time. I would love to speak to you more over e-mail. I can be reached at rianntaylor@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day.