Grace Cecilia Klare and Hope Gerard Klare - My Two Saints

My Dearest Daughters,

I miss you. I love you. It's hard to believe that it was more than two weeks ago that I received the news that you were to be born to me that Tuesday evening. I was so scared. I was so unprepared to finally meet you. I truly was not ready to part from the joy you brought while I carried you. I shook with such anquish knowing that once you left the comfort of my belly, that you would shortly leave me forever here on earth. But it was time. When the Doctors told your Pappa and I that your heart rate was low that it was time your Pappa gave me so much strength in his quiet confidence, that we could do this together. I must have said a million "Hail Mary's" before being wheeled away to the operating room. Our Lady was with us and she was faithful. You came to us at 6:01 pm, and you both took your first breaths of life.
When I saw them carry you both over to the warming table and your Pappa by your side to baptise you, it was the proudest moment of my life. I couldn't beleive that you were mine and that God had given me such a beautiful family. It is an image I will never forget - Your Pappa in his blue scrubs baptizing your foreheads with holy water, and though I could not see your face Hope, I know your eyes were open looking at your father. And Grace your eyes open looking at me for the first time. To see your eyes so big and beautiful staring back at me let me know that the ultimate gift had been given to your Pappa and I - the gift of life.
When your Pappa brought you over to my arms I was so impatient to get every glimpse of you I could. We sat together for the first time as a family. How big all our hearts grew in that moment. And then I kissed you for the first time. My lips have never felt something so soft, so pure or so holy. What I had been waiting to do every moment of everyday since I knew you were coming to me. In your Pappa's arms and my hand carressing your faces I was in love. I fell in love with your curly hair, your smooshed noses, your long fingers and long feet and so in love with your beautiful bodies that were connected together in a hug so tight, that even God did not choose to separate. I was so proud to show you to our families that gathered in prayer and love to welcome you into this world. We were all there, expecting you to come to us and to fill our hearts, and you did.
How I miss your sweet lives in my arms. It is a feeling I will never forget for the rest of my life. When I go to bed, I can still feel you on my chest, pressing our hearts against each other, as we did in the hospital bed for hours and hours. And I hold my heart so tightly as though I am holding you again. And though your sweet heart finished beating, the hearts of your Pappa and I are still here. We are so blessed to have been sustained through all the prayers that were offered up for us in the months previous and in those very moments of your birth. We were not overwhelmed with grief or pain, but yet only saw such beauty and comfort in knowing you were here and with us. I couldn't stop the AWE that overwhelmed me in that you were right there in my arms snuggling with me. It was truly what I had asked the Lord, and he did give to me. And as I watched your Pappa bathe you and dress you, and look at you in such pride and love I think I fell in love with you three all over again.
And today, my sweet Grace and Hope, I have to continue without seeing your faces or watching your Pappa hold you, until we are called to be with you in Heaven. And this hurts my heart the most. I know you must hate it when I cry everyday and have this longing pain to be with you, but it is because I love you. It is good this pain and suffering I feel for you daily, for I hope that it only makes me stronger to be a saint like you have taught me; that way, I may go to Heaven right away and sweep you back into my arms again where I desperately need you to be. Please pray for me, girls that I will be strong, that I will be patient and most of all that I will be completely surrendered to God's Will.
We have had such a tremendous journey together. Haven't we? You have been with me at each second, of each moment of each day for the past 8 months and now you are with Jesus. Thank you my darlings for bringing me the greatest joy my heart has ever known. Thank you my sweet dumplings for making me so proud of who you have become to so many people who have heard your story of LIFE. Thank you my children, for being an example of love in sacrifice that you made with your bodies, your heart and your souls. Thank you Hope and Grace filling my heart with your love. I will always cherrish and appreciate that God gave you to us. He gave your Pappa and I life with you in our arms; something that was supposed to have never even have happened. I am so unworthy of such a gift. You brought to me Heaven in a little room, in this big world. You showed me that all this time your Pappa and I were right about you, in that you are fighters for Life and for Faith! We were right in that, even though God has asked so much of our little family, that much was also given to us. Only something that our four SOULS will truly ever know how beautiful it all really was and is.
God has called you girls each by name. We love you and will be with you again.