Happy Birthday Little Darlings

Happy Birthday, my baby girls.


This is a little late posting, but I realized last night I did not get to write your birthday letter.


Last night, your Papa and I were going through your cd of pictures from your birthday. My! How different it is looking at you both from when you were born. I feel like I have a new set of eyes.


We went through every picture, and I sat so close to the screen, observing details I had never noticed before. I saw things I had seen previously but now I see them with a whole new meaning. You see, your little sister looks so much like you both. It's amazing how much you three resemble each other. You have the same legs, arms, hands, feet, head shape, nose and that famous double chin! oy.


I began to really sink into those moments of holding you in my arms that day. And I realize that my love for you has deepened even more every day since.


I wasn't sure how to be a mother then, nor did I know depth of love I would be possible to have for my children. But as I went through all of your beautiful pictures, I realized that my life is incomplete if I do not love you. My world is meaningless if I do not utter your names and feel how much I miss you.


I see twins all the time. And I just feel a little pain knowing how chaoticly wonderful raising twins must be. How a double dose of trouble = a double dose of joy. There is a beauty in having a partner in life. Grace you have Hope. And Hope you have Grace. You are two partners in crime and mischeif!! ;) But also you are two partners in prayer and bringing God's message of love to all those who know you.


I see Maria and I just know she would have loved to have met you. She would love to have been running around with you girls, causing lots of craziness!! I think she would have just had the best friends in you both. Maybe someday God will give us a little brother/sister for her to run with, but for now we let her run wild with Daddy - SHE IS ATTACHED. :)


Oh girls, I love you infinitly. It was much harder this year. Celebrating your birthday this year was a little more painful. My heart ached for you to be here. I know how much I love Maria and how joyful it is to watch her grow. And knowing that I can't see you and experience all of these incredible moments with you, just kills me. I didn't know what I was missing last year. Now, I know. And now I it's a different kind of pain for your mama to have. It's just not missing you, but now it's missing being a mother to you in every little way. (gulp)


Okay, I can't dwell on that. Instead I want to gush over you. I want to gush how much I love you and greatful to have had you in my arms!! Often, I gush over the both of you the same time, but I saw something different in the both of you in the pictures and want to tell you separately.


Starting with Hope.

My darling Hope. The marshmallow baby with a joy so illuminating I can see it from Heaven. Every ultrasound you took center stage - waving and blowing bubbles. You would always show us your sweet face and give us the peace of knowing that you were doing ok.

Hope, when you were born you laid for hours over my heart. And it is so much like you to be snuggled so close to my heart. You of course, are mommy and daddy's potato chip clip. I can only imagine how our lives would be so different having our little mallow attached at the hip every minute of every day. I would love it. I wouldn't trade in a single second without you.

Baby girl, I miss you. I can't hardly say those words without choking them out. But I know you are wonderful peice of Heaven now, that everyone gets to enjoy. But I hope that when I get there, you will cling to me for eternity. :)

For Grace

My sweet Gracie. My quiet little song bird. What immense love I have to give you. Though you were so quiet in every ultrasound, barely ever did we get to see your angelic face, you impacted my heart at the sight of your birth. It was only you, who I saw with your eyes wide open looking at me. Every night before bed I close my eyes and pray. Every time I close my eyes, it is your bright and brilliant gaze I see. Though neither of us could speak in those moments of your birth I will never forget the explosion in my heart when I saw you look at me. I will never forget the life in your eyes.

Sweet Gracie... I am forever yours. I delight in the thought of telling you how much I love you every moment when I get to heaven. I am excited to share with you all the beautiful things that are happening to us as a family. And I am brought to my knees imagining what it will be like to see your face again and stare into those beautiful eyes and tell you how much I have missed you.

Darlings. I love you so much. Have a wonderful birthday party in Heaven for me. I pray I see you in my dreams.